Under my skin...make that shirt

After not much reflection at all I've come to the conclusion that I do not like pumping. It's not just one particular thing, it's a combination of several things. The first is that it's not the easiest thing to do. It seems like it would be, right? You put the shields on your breasts, turn the machine on and relax. But it's hard to relax when you have to lean forward so the milk drips into the collection containers. I've tried propping pillows behind me and that doesn't work. I've tried taking a few of those pillows from behind me and putting it front of me to lean into - that doesn't work so well either. I've tried sitting up straight with good posture but that's the worst. If I had good posture before JT I think I lost it at delivery. The other problem with pumping is relaxing enough to let the milk come down. Several reference places cite looking at a picture of your baby, smelling their blanket, or just thinking about your baby. All of those fail for me. I end up having to pump for 10 minutes or so with only a drop or two as a result and then turn off the machine for 10 minutes. So that's 20 minutes gone with nothing to show for it. After the break I turn the machine on and try again. It's so frustrating. At some point after those 20 minutes I get a good flow going and like a dork I look down to see the progress I'm making. Once check out the production level, it stops. I swear I sweat more trying to pump breastmilk than I do if I did a 30 minute workout. In all seriousness, I'm a slave to my breasts. If I'm not pumping, I've got JT attached. I think that's why some women say forget it and move on to formula. Formula opens a world of options. Husbands and relatives can feed the baby. You don't leak. You can sleep more than 2 hours at a time. Your baby can feed for an hour and you don't have to be semi-awake for the occasion. I say semi-awake because nowadays I can't tell when he starts feeding and when it ends. Just now, I finished feeding him for the third time since 11:10...it's now 1:50. At some point in that time I was going to pump while he rested. No rest...just crying and fussing. I tried the pacifier to see if it was just a sucking need that had to be fulfilled. Nope. I changed his diaper again - not horrible full but could be irritating, I suppose. Still crying. Held him in a cradle hold. That's not cutting it either. Over the shoulder? Just makes him suck on my shoulder, bounce to my ear and then my cheek. That only means one thing - feed me, Mom. I'm not bitter. I'm not giving up breastfeeding. There's also no need to call in the anti-depressants. I'm simply frustrated that my boobs rule the roost.