I can't win

After a wonderful day yesterday, today seemed to slide right in the gutter. Nothing seemed to go right. I forgot to take my pills and by mid afternoon I was a crazy mess. Random things irritated me and made me cry. As I walked in the door Kevin asked how I was and my response was, "I need my pill". Things got worse from there. My new desk finally arrived so Kevin had it put together by the time I finished my dinner. That meant unplugging everything and moving stuff so we could slide it into place. I couldn't just do that one task, could I? No. I had to clear off the side table that had so much crap on it that I was going to clear it off in a single sweep. Dust balls, a box of toothpicks, sunglasses, gas drops for infants, ,one of 8 pacifiers that JT hasn't touched for months, pens, phone books, half burned candles, receipts from the dentist. In the mix was my w-4 which got me to thinking that I'm still waiting on the damn forms from my ex so I can complete my taxes. Which got me thinking about the bill that was supposed to be paid "this week"...funny how someones weeks turn into months. Damn it - just pay it and get it over with. How much longer do we have to play this game? You're almost done with me, two more bills to dangle over my head. How much longer do I have to wait. I'm sick of waiting for people and picking up after people. Kevin asked where his leather coat was. "Hanging up in JT's closet". I heard mumbling but I couldn't hear over the babbling of the kid and the tv. I turned it down and said, "what'd you say?" It turned into a production about how things are never where they're left and he can't find things. I turned defensive and said that I'll just stop cleaning up and putting things away. Apparently I should have left his coat hanging on the coat rack which also holds half of his hats and half of JT's coats. It also used to hold a flannel shirt, both of his leather coats and a bungee cord. There's only so many coats you can hang before they all start falling down. And I'm tired of picking it up. So when the weather turned warm and there wasn't a need for coats I hung them up. Out of the way. I admit that I put things in one place and the next time I find a new place. In my world everything has a place, just not the same place every time. It's a bad habit. I know. Heaven forbid that I try to keep some order. By no means am I a neat nick but I like to be able to set stuff on a table without it being stacked on miscellaneous items 5 inches off the table top. I like a kitchen table that is clear for you know...eating? Instead, it's still got Christmas tree lights sitting on there. The boxes are 6 steps away in the cupboard but do I bother to get it out and put them away? No. I put away the lights I took down. I'm sure it would be easier to just ask him to put it away and I'll probably do that now that I've mellowed out. He's out at his friends house and I told him earlier that it was better that he not be here while I wait for the vitamin Z to take hold and make me stop crying over ridiculous stuff. I don't like being on the edge of tears, I don't like feeling like I'm being picked on and I don't like being taken for granted or advantage of. Excuse me while I cry out the rest of my tears. I'll be better in the morning. I promise.