New things/old memories

When I was pregnant I swore up and down that I wouldn't be that crazy pregnant lady that needed everything under the sun and everything set up before the kid arrived. And for the most part I wasn't. I bought a crib and changing table from my friends sister for cheap. Her daughter used it about 3 times and I laughed when she said that. Why bother? Now I think that of myself. Sure, we used the changing table for a few months. Kevin more than I since I preferred the floor. For the last five or so months the changing table has held clothes that JT doesn't quite fit into and the two picture frames that I bought but haven't done anything with. It also holds the alcohol swabs that came home from the hospital with us. As I was hanging laundry up yesterday I noticed a full shelf of burp cloths and little wash cloths. There's about 20 in there. Never used. They were washed (courtesy of Nana) but tucked away and completely forgotten about. I've stashed away clothes for my friends in case any of them end up having a little boy. Handmedowns are a lifesaver. To this day I would guess I've spent less than 100 dollars on clothes for JT. Craigslist and clearance sales rock. I digress. It's time to start moving JT out of our bedroom and into his own. I moved everything that wasn't baby related out and moved more of his stuff in. It is his room, after all. I put in a smelly blanket (from the bed in our room) so it seemed more like home. Saturday night I gave it a shot and after nursing him I put him in the crib. Oh boy was he mad at me. I checked a few minutes later and he had thrown Mr. Monkey and his other toy out of the crib. He had tear stains on his cheeks and was desperately trying to make his own monkey feet grab the bars so he could climb out. It was a long 15 minutes but I kept thinking of Lora and how he's not scared, he's mad that I'm not caving in. It makes me a little sad that he's going to be sleeping in his own room because he is THE best cuddler in the world. He wiggles his body into a backwards c shape so he's touching Kevin and I at the same time. He'll flip himself around until he's got his head on a pillow. If he's feeling a little crazy he'll turn himself and sleep with his head towards the foot of the bed. The morning chatter, the sleepy yawns, the pounding on the belly to wake me up...I'll miss it all. Last night we were out late with the baseball team and I was so tired I didn't even think about putting him in his room. I turned to our old routine and put him down in our room and ended up cuddling with him a few hours later. Tonight was a different story. I moved the stairstepper out of his room (and used it!)and got his crib all set up. I was having palpatations thinking about putting him down in there. The nightlight was on, the new monitor plugged in and Mr. Monkey in position. We sat down to watch the video. And his new trick is while I sit indian style, he sits on my lap, stands up, takes a few steps toward the tv and then stops. He does a little plie, then walks backwards until he hits my legs and falls back into my lap. He's going to have some strong legs because he does this for the entire length of the video (20 minutes). The video ended and I asked him if he was ready for bed. "Duh!" was my answer and he grabbed one of his blankets and climbed into my lap. *insert heart melting here* I stood up and he stayed with his head on my chest. As soon as we crossed into his room he turned around, grabbed my face and screamed in protest. NO!!! I shut the door and kept my cool. I introduced this as his special room and it was all for him. The crib was his, the nightlight, the books, the animals. He turned to face me and curled up into a fetal position and laid his head back on my chest. We rocked for about five minutes and finally asked if he wanted to nurse. A hand down the shirt is a definite yes. While he got his bedtime snack I laid my head back and thought about his room and laughed. We had a rocking chair that belonged to JT's granddad, his namesake but in all my pregnant glory I absolutely had to have a glider. And I found one on Craigslist. Used it about 5 times before this weekend. And the dresser that we bought from a guy named JT. I found it, too, on Craigslist the day I went into labor. I was so worried that I would lose it that I made my co-worker call him to tell him I still wanted it but I was having a baby. My advice for new moms? Don't get sucked into the nursery deal. You don't need matching lamps, valances, diaper stackers, rugs and animals. A crib, a playpen and the bed will do just fine. Clothes? Take all the handmedowns you can get your grubby paws on. Buy used except for special occasions. And going to Walmart does not a special occasion make. I gave him one last smack on the head, with my lips, not my hand, and stood up to put him down in the crib. He arched over backwards like he normally does and curled up onto his monkey. Then realized he wasn't in our room. He started to cry but I just said over and over again that it was okay and rubbed his back. He whimpered a little but scooted up on monkey again. It only took 2 minutes of rubbing and I was headed out the door. He started a pathetic cry and got to his knees and I said goodnight and closed the door behind me. The crying stopped in less than 30 seconds. He hasn't made a peep since. So begins my week of weaning him off the lazy nursing. I will get up to get him and give him a shortened version of what he normally gets and taper off through the week. Last time we tried this he was doing good in a couple of days. I'm thinking that without me in the same room, he won't smell me (does that sound gross to anyone else besides me?) and won't want to eat. I know it's all just habit and closeness so that makes me hopeful and more eager to end this. People keep asking me when I'm going to quit nursing and pumping so here's your answer - some day. I don't know when and I'm not scheduling it to happen. Just like this bedtime stuff, when the time is right I'll know it. One growing pain at a time, please.