Thursday, May 17, 2007
I'm scared...or something...
For the last few months thoughts have been creeping around this noggin of mine about stopping the boob and the pumping. It's a pain to make sure I have bottles in the bag. I need to make sure the sucker thingees are clean, and more importantly, in the bag, when I get to work. I have to clear out space in my day to go pump. Usually 4 times. And while it's a nice break on most days, other days I find myself hitting my internal snooze button. Next thing I know it's my lunch time and I haven't gone. Then I panic because I want to take a lunch but I want the kid to have milk the next day. By then I've thrown off my entire schedule and I swear that I am so busy being consumed about not going when I should have that I can't hardly get anything pumped. Some days I get home and throw my pump on the floor and the next morning I wake up and discover I never put the milk away.
So what's going to happen if I stop pumping at work? Are my boobs going to get so big that I get embarrassed? Are they going to start leaking? Do I have to wear nursing pads? I don't want to have to deal with any of that. I don't want to say no to him when I get home at night; he squeals when I pick him up and then shoves his arm down my shirt. It drives me crazy but I love it just the same. I love the 7 am cuddle and feed when Kevin brings him back to bed and the bedtime snack. It's in those moments that this toddler of mine turns into a love bug and for a few minutes he's my baby. But I realize that this has to end. I for sure don't want to be that weirdo nursing her kid before she drops him off for his first day of school.
This is udderly frustrating!
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5 comments:
I have no advice to give you since this is not a part of my daily repetoire as of yet. However....I am thrilled to hear that you don't want to be one of those moms on the first day of school. Although....I didn't think that you ever would be. :)
I love you for ever and ever too!
I won't lie to you. It is sad. And conflicting. And awful. And liberating. And wonderful.
My experience: boobs were sore, so be gradual. Boobs leaked but I never broke down and wore pads. They usually leaked at night and we slept in milk instead. Ha!
Then boobs shrivel back to their normal size and everyone starts to tell you that you look thinner. Nice bonus.
JT will probably still grab at your chest. He's a boy. And he'll still cuddle you. You're his mama.
Kudo's to you for having made it this long!
I'm so proud of you for making it this long. I just spoke with a ex-BF consultant who said that 9 months and 14 months is the ideal time to wean (I think she assumed I was still nursing, even though I pussed out of it months and months ago). I guess there is something developmentally happening at those two ages for both mom and baby that makes it easier. A hormone drop and a sense of independence, she said.
Like Angela said, it is horribly difficult to stop. And I'm glad you mentioned about the 7am thing. Jake gets pulled into our bed in the a.m. too, and he gets some of that toddler formula while we all snuggle. And I'm guilty of holding him like a baby for his nightcap too. I don't feel so creepy anymore.
Oh, one more thing. I was at the ped office for Jake's 6 month appt and a mom there simultaneously nursed her 4 and 5 YEAR old children. Right there. In public. She told the kids that she suspects the dr will tell them no more boobies after this visit. Eww.
I will add this little addage from my momma. She always said that when the kiddo is old enough to ask for it then it is time to stop. That was her opinion, but we were never breast fed so she never went through all the feelings, etc. Then again my wayward half sister boob fed hers until they were almost 3. FAR too long in my opinion.
Good luck with the decision, I'm not there yet being on the extended breastfeeding bandwagon and all. I'll be tandem nursing but not until 4 or 5!! Gosh!! I'm going to wait until 2 years or until Banjo loses interest I guess. I'm sure it will be hard to break the 'habit' but you can take it slow, there's no need to rush unless you wish to do so. It sounds like you are still producing a lot of milk so taking the weaning slow would be totally advisable for the sake of your comfort. I never get engorged anymore, nor can I feel the let-down like I used to. I suspect I produce only a few oz these days with the pregnancy and Banjo taking less and less. These days it's less about nutrition and more about a bit of immune boost and the psychosocial benefits. I think that letting a child decide to give up is the easiest way to go about weaning but wish you all the luck in the world getting through it smoothly if you go ahead. I know those hands down the shirt grabs, these boys just love the closeness with their mummies! Well done for breastfeeding this long, it can be sooooo challenging! You've done fantastic and shouldn't feel guilty about weaning when you feel that you are BOTH ready. That would be my only major point, make it mutual and don't push it, not just for JT but your own sake.
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