Super Ultra Low

Can someone please tell me when they stopped making shorts for women over 30? I went today to switch out some shirts Kevin bought me and thought I would check out some shorts. I kept seeing the Ultra Low shorts and just shook my head as I pushed my cart on by. I saw another grouping that I thought was a rack of tube tops but they, too, were shorts for those with 1.8% body fat. I guess that means 12 year old girls. I've always been hippy. Even at my skinniest I still had what I jokingly referred to as birthing hips. Just like the books said, they spread to make room for an exiting human. They went back, don't ask me how, but now I'm hippier than I was before. The hip issue makes trouble for purchasing pants or shorts or skirts. I found a meager sampling of shorts and capris that were just labeled Low. I picked up a pair of capris and headed to the dressing room. I eyeballed the inside of the pants and it looked like a decent amount of fabric between the waistband and the crotch. I slid one leg in and held my breath. I tripped over the other pant leg, sat down on the bench and pulled everything up to my knees. I stood up, closed my eyes and looked up at the ceiling as I slid them over my hips. No good. Where do I have to go to buy bottom-wear that isn't as high as my bra and isn't so low that my goodies are hanging out for the world to see? Sure it's hot in Texas but there's no reason to be flashing that much of your butt around town. "Cover that up, y'all!" And when did I turn into such a prude?