Some of the best....

I have some great friends, I really do. I'm leaving out their names but sharing what they wrote to me. I love you guys. I just read your bog and I am so so sorry you are going through this. It sounds really tough and trying. I know you have lots of support and people around that love you but I just wanted to tell you that I love you too and I hope you feel better soon. Your medicine will hopefully do the trick and maybe once you get feeling better, you'll get some well deserved sleep. Jori, you are such a loving and giving person. You always put others before yourself and take the back seat so others can drive with you around. You are doing a great job but you have got to give some love to yourself too. You can't put the weight of the world on your tiny little shoulders. You're a great mom and you'll still be a great mom if you are not breastfeeding. You never know, you may be doing yourself and JT a favor by not continuing with it so that you are both getting what you need and what you need right now is sleep and space. I know it's hard to think you deserve either of these things with a newborn but you do. They are not only requirements for most people, they are definitely requirements for you. You need both things to feel balanced. You always have. You need good nights of sleep, coffee breaks and cross word puzzle time. This is just how you are and what you need. Your not selfish for wanting these things and with Kevin home he really needs to help make sure you are able to get these things for yourself. Please call me if there is anything I can do. I love, love, love you and my heart is breaking for you Jor. I know this is really tough and I really hope you feel better soon. You're just the greatest person and I can't wait until you are back to feeling like yourself... **************************************************** I speak from experience here. Not the experience of motherhood, but the experience of being so not yourself, unhappy, miserable, don't want to be touched, looked at, talked to, or anything. All you want to do is sleep, zone out, and let the world continue along it's merry way and leave you alone. But you also know that you aren't yourself and you want desperately to be back in the world traipsing along like everyone else. I get it. I know. And no one understands unless they have been there, at least that has been my experience. We are even on the same meds!!! Quit copying me! As always, if you need a listening ear that gets it you know where to find me, and I am sure there are others out there. Who isn't on medication these days????? *********************************************************** Now some thoughts I feel compelled to share about your latest blog: You sound just like me before I started to take antidepressants. I take Zoloft. I’ve gone off it twice thinking I am ok but I prefer life with it so I’m back on it and plan to stay on it for at least two years because some research I’ve read shows that people who stay on it long term do better when they stop taking it. I would say that what you are going through is completely normal. Many, Many Mom’s I’ve talked to have gone through something similar, especially when they’ve built themselves a nice little life beforehand without children. Not one person I know who started having children after 30 hasn’t had a similar experience. We envision it to be so much easier and natural than it is. Motherhood is so difficult. So wonderful and yet so difficult.

I started to take my Zoloft when (my baby) was 2 weeks old. By 6 weeks, I liked motherhood so much more. (My baby) was the exact same baby, I just felt better.....I had never been on any antidepressant or anything ever! Now, I don’t know that I ever want to give it up. I cried and cried when I had to supplement formula. I felt like such a failure even though I knew that wasn’t rational…The constant pumping, feeding and exhaustion were just too much. I cannot tell you how much formula helped my life! Looking back on it, it really wasn’t that big a deal. I would have slapped any woman who told me that the moment I gave him his first bottle of formula though. Anyhow, I really thought you should know though I’m sure you’ve heard it before that you are not alone in this. Motherhood really blows a lot of times. The adjustment to this kind of life and responsibility is just overwhelming. Hang in there best you can and if you decide to do antidepressants, try not to feel crazy about yourself. I bet half the mothers I know are on them and another third probably should be on them!