Feeling Bold. And Fat.

After baseball yesterday, we stood in the kitchen and talked about the need to get an exercise machine now. Kevin nearly had a coronary after running around the bases and I was out of breath playing tug of war (one handed, mind you) with the dog. We don't want JT to see what lazy parents he was born to. We love to sit on the couch. We love Summer Sausage and Cheese for dinner. We love red meat. We love to lay on the floor. We love to compute which is nothing more than sitting and more often than not, eating. We like to eat cookies in bed. All of which means we apparently want to get fat. I went grocery shopping while Kevin played baseball and thought I did pretty well. I bought cauliflower, broccoli, fresh green beans, organic bananas and 4 baking potatoes. I did not buy potato chips. Instead of buying our typical 2 deep dish pizzas (one a week) I bought just one thin crust. It's a start. Moderation, right? Just because I have a chocolate cookie craving doesn't mean I need to have/eat the entire box. In fact, I bought two boxes of cookies last Monday and have only had 1 cookie. I had pulled out 3, emailed a friend that I had some and then felt guilty that I put the other 2 back. I've only eaten one slice of cake out of all the cakes I've made this month for class. That's good right? I used to exercise during commercials. I'd get down on the floor during the commercials and stretch, do crunches, leg lifts, arm stuff with light weights. When the commercial was over I'd hop back into my chair. It worked for me then, not so much now. I spend most of my time on the floor with JT now and it involves walking several miles a night along the hallway, bedroom, kitchen, living room and doing the circuit for 2 hours. There's not a lot of time to rest. Yesterday I laid on my back, pulled my legs up towards my chest and placed him on the front of my legs. Twenty pounds of baby will make you work for it. So now there's a stair stepper in the back seat of my car. I'm not really excited about it because I'm envisioning myself falling off it. I'm not super coordinated. Really. This is the woman who received a third degree sprain standing up from a desk. I'm going to give it a whirl and maybe when I start feeling better about my physical shape I will start running again. And to make myself embarassed and motivated to get serious about this? I'm revealing my starting weight which is a staggering 161. To put this in perspective, I was 130-138 when I got pregnant with JT and was up to 180 when I delivered. 3 weeks after delivery I was down to 150 and I suppose I just got some comfortable (and lazier) that I thought I was alright doing whatever. We know the truth. Doing nothing does bad things. So does eating a lot of pasta and bread. Kevin said he likes me with some meat on my bones but said he understands that I worked really hard at losing and maintaining my weight and I'm not comfortable now. I'm not. I'm embarrassed to get naked. Buns of steel, here I come!