Love like this

JT made the rounds up at work yesterday while we were running errands. People kept asking how old he was. I would answer 10 months and Kevin would answer two beats behind me, 10 and a half months. In the back of my mind I was wondering why he was saying that; until today. I got my weekly email that said, "Your 10 Month 4 Week Old". It hit me like the trunk lid hit me in the head today - with an emotion and force I wasn't expecting. We ate dinner together at the table, something we've starting to do more instead of around the TV. Kevin to my left, JT pulled around and up against the table. We dined on chicken and pasta, JT on wheat toast. He'd take a bite and then throw it down and grin. At the bedtime wind down ritual, JT sat on the floor watching the signing video while I checked my email and the gossip rags. I looked over my right shoulder to catch him waving at the TV. I'm sure it's just him flapping his arms without any real sign behind it or waving bye. It was cute. He was huge. I've not noticed how big he is. I shut down my email and went to sit next to him on the floor. He backed up so he could touch me and still be turned to see the signs. He'd watch me sign and then watch the TV. Watch me, watch the TV. Somewhere in the middle of all that turning he laid his head down in my lap. My heart melted. We went to the bedroom with Winston and Kitty Princess and sat down to our favorite book. He turned the pages and looked up at me while I made the silly animal noises. "Peep, peep, peep is what they say!" and "Can I hear you Moo, moo, moo?" "Oink, oink, oink is how they sound!" Book over, he snuggled down sideways to get ready for his g'night snack. His eyes still roll into the back of his head when he latches on and then shakes his head a little bit. Halfway through he unhooked himself and turned his head to look at the Salvador Dali print on the wall. He narrowed his eyes, furrowed his brow and let out a big sigh, punctuated with a bbbbooooooo. He went back to nursing for a few minutes and finally rolled over on his back to signal he was done. He grabbed Pink Fish and rolled over on his side again and looked at me. At that very second our eyes locked and all I could think in my head was that I love this little man more than I have ever imagined what love could feel like. It was almost more overpowering than what I felt the day he was born. He eyeballed my still exposed breast, gaze traveled back up to my face and he saw the tears rolling out of my eyes. His expression turned just for a second and then he flashed his smile, sighed and laid back down. I grabbed him and his pink fish, hugged them tighter than usual and kissed his cheeks over and over and over. I love you, Little Man. I love you so much.